I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder recently, which has been a blessing.
I’ve known for a long time I had the disorder, the symptoms have been troubling me for so many years.
My relationships haven’t been great in the past, the most stable relationship that I’ve ever had is the one I’m in now. BPD has even made this challenging at some stage.
I’ve had fewer issues with friends luckily, but I’ve had some struggles there too.
Please keep in mind, I’m not a professional in this field, I’m just a person sharing their experiences!
I won’t be bashing my exes/former crushes here, they did hurt me, but they are human too and I hope they are happy.
I’m just using the stories as examples.
my sense of self was depenant on my relationships
For the longest time, I had a very distorted sense of self. I didn’t know who I was, who I wanted to be, or things I was into.
I tended to adopt aspects of my partners in an attempt to please them.
In one instance, I’d have a drink every night with one of my exes, something I hadn’t done before the relationship.
And in the case of one crush, I didn’t tell him my favourite genre of music was a lot heavier than his. He’s a fan of hip-hop and while I do enjoy the genre, it’s not my favourite.
I was afraid he’d cut contact with me if I didn’t agree with him.
My sense of self is far better now, but there’s still a ways to go!
My mood swings have caused arguments
My moods are up and down every day and will change without warning, which as you can imagine can cause a lot of spats. Especially if you don’t understand the nature of the disorder.
Sometimes I take things personally. I remember a time in a past relationship where I was anxious about something my ex had done, he then wound up triggering me further and I snapped at him.
He didn’t understand why I was upset and continued to press my buttons.
I have also had instances where I’ve snapped at my friends over something trivial that set me off, but they understand it’s not personal and support me.
I get attatched easily
This has been one of the hardest things for me to live with. Feelings with BPD are amplified. I don’t develop an interest in something, or someone, I go all in.
So you can imagine how the feelings of rejection can come in, even over something trivial over a person not texting back as quick as you’d want them to.
I have never dealt with breakups well, my partners/crushes tend to become the centre of my world. When they’ve left in the past, my world has crumbled. I lost part of my routine, I’d still be attached to them and the feelings of rejection and my bruised pride just wouldn’t accept the breakup originally.
I didn’t want to let my ex go, even though he dumped me over text and was a cheater, I once got drunk and called him 9 times.
I cried daily for 6 months after that breakup, but the silver lining of having intense emotions is once you’re over the bad feelings, you never look back!
I’m doing so much better than I was before.
Take care of yourselves, you’re great!
Thank you for your time. I appreciate you being here!
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